The Art Of Letting Go
by poeticjustice13
Summary: I had to let go. Yet, I couldn't. If I didn't we'd both be wallowing in our own misery. Two-shot to songs Where I Stood and Someone Like You. Logan/Camille. Lomille.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first song fic so there's a good chance it'll be bad. Anyway, this is all Camille's POV in the episode _"Big Time Crush"._**

**The song is _"Where I stood_" by _Missy Higgins_.**

_**

* * *

I don't know what I've done**_  
_** Or if I like what I've begun**_  
_** But something told me to run**_  
_** And honey you know me it's all or none**_

She was beautiful. No one could ever deny that. I was always afraid that some new girl would just steal him right from under my nose. But it didn't happen like that and I know that. I needed to move on because it would only get worse if I continued this game. It was a tug of war and I was tired of it. I can't keep pushing girls away from him.

**_There were sounds in my head_**  
**_ LIttle voices whispering_**  
**_ That I should go and this should end_**  
**_ Oh and I found myself listening_**

Something has been telling me that I should just leave it alone that i should let him be happy. Something was telling me to just let it go and let him breathe. That something was me. I knew I couldn't keep him all for myself.

**_Because I dont know who I am, who I am without you_**  
**_ All I know is that I should_**  
**_ And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_**  
**_ All I know is that I should_**  
**_ Because she will love you more than I could_**  
**_ She who dares to stand where I stood_**

The thing is since Logan and the guys moved to the LA, it's like I'm not sure what I want anymore. I had never been in love before but when I first saw Logan it was like I was finally starting understand what everyone was talking about. I also figured out why I could never get any roles in romance shows or films. Love isn't dramatic and a show. Love is a feeling that only someone else can give you if you let them in. So that's what I did, I let him in.

Now, I feel lost while he seems okay. I'd rather see him happy then miserable like me. I want to see him happy. Really and truly happy even if it means it's not with me. Because the next girl will probably love him more than I ever could. Peggy will love him in so many ways that I couldn't.

**_See I thought love was black and white_**  
**_ That it was wrong or it was right_**  
**_ But you ain't leaving without a fight_**  
**_ And I think I am just as torn inside_**

**_ Because I don't know who I am, who I am without you_**  
**_ All I know is that I should_**  
**_ And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_**  
**_ All I know is that I should_**  
**_Because she will love you more than I could_**  
**_ She who dares to stand where I stood_**

So I let him go. I told him it was okay and at that moment it was. He smiled and told me how cool i was and how we're such good friends. I smiled even joked around a bit about how I should try to win him back. I was somewhat hoping that maybe he would say yes but it didn't happen.

_**And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call**_  
_** You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all**_  
_** But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you**_  
_** This is what I have to do**_

Logan was my first love. He taught me that it was okay to trust myself and be who I am. He means so much to me and that's why I know I should let him go. I'll always come back, I know that. But people say that if you forget your first love than you forget about love in the first place.

**_Because I don't know who I am, who I am without you_**  
**_ All I know is that I should_**  
**_ And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_**  
**_ All I know is that I should_**  
**_ Because she will love you more than I could_**  
**_ She who dares to stand where I stood_**  
**_ Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood _**

I decided not to spend that night alone. I went out with a friend. Yes, I put the outfit that Logan always loved on me but that was so I would have a part of him with me. A part of him that would let me know that it's okay and that pretty soon I'll be okay.

It was fine but when I saw him the lobby of the theatre I thought I would cry. He looked handsome. I wanted him. I needed him. But I stayed in my seat and listened while he talked. Before he could finish what he was saying Steve, my date, came back with our popcron and it was time to go. So, I left him standing there. I had an idea about what he was going to say but I couldn't believe that it could be true. I wanted to go back. I really did but the next girl will love him more. I'll make sure of that. Even if it's not Peggy someone will love him better than i did.

**Okay I was really into that episode last night, I can't believe the writer's are doing this to us! Hopefully Logan and Camille get back together. Either way, this is my first song fic so bear with me on this one. Please review!**

**-Nessa**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Adele nor do I own her song "Someone Like You. And I do not own Big Time Rush.  
**

**I heard that you're settled down**  
** That you found a girl and you're married now.**  
** I heard that your dreams came true.**  
** Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you**

Years of being on and off again left us at odds. We couldn't stay together too long or else we'd feel too comfortable and too suffocated. Being off gave us a way to breathe and to know that we both could fall back on each other in times of need. That was the problem. Too much need.

Months later I lost my passion for acting. I still wanted to be in the business but not in front of the camera. I no longer wanted attention unless it was coming from him. He met someone new and god damn she was beautiful. They got serious really fast and I knew I no longer had a place at the Palm Woods.

So I left. I took my father's advice and went to college for film. I had an interest in film so I figured it couldn't hurt to delve more into it. By the time I had actually gotten settled into college and began my classes I felt content. I felt like I was okay. Jo had already gone back to the Palm Woods and had even talked about coming out to NYU with me and studying there.

It wasn't until one night that she called me and I felt my whole plan go down under.

"Camille?" Jo's voice said coming in a bit cautiously.

"Yeah? What's going on?" I asked on high alert.

"He got married. He went to the Justice of the Peace and got married. We didn't know. He called it a spur of the moment type thing."

"Wait, Logan got married? To who?"

"Remember the girl he was with when you first left? He married her."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me through the phone. I didn't trust myself not to scream at her words. Although it wasn't like Logan to do something like this I couldn't help but think that this was true. I was right the new girl stole his heart. It was definitely apparent now that she had something I wasn't able to give Logan.

**Old friend, why are you so shy?**  
** Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.**

** I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited**  
** But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.**  
** I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded**  
** That for me it isn't over**

I don't remember buying my ticket I just remember the plane ride back to LA. It was full of insecurities and I wondered just what the hell I was actually doing. Why was I coming back? This was no longer my life and he was no longer my love. Yet, he was. He would always be my love.

When I got to the Palm Woods, I saw him immediately. I smiled to myself knowing that I really didn't have to look for him. He was just there. He sat in the lobby looking through a textbook. No doubt studying for school. He didn't look up as I approached and he didn't seem to noticed me as I sat down. I frowned a bit but didn't blow my composure completely. It's not like I told anyone about this trip home.

"Logan?" I said cautiously.

He looked up and around before his eyes settled on mine. I smiled as his eyes widened trying to take my appearance in.

"Camille?" He said shocked.

"Congratulations. I heard you're married now."

"Uh, yeah. Did you come here all the way to tell me this?" He said trying not to be shocked about my hearing of his news.

"No, I was homesick. So, I decided why not visit?" I said lying through my teeth and I silently prayed that he would no I was lying. I did come here for him. He needed to know that for me this just wasn't over.

**Never mind, I'll find someone like you**  
** I wish nothing but the best for you too**  
** Don't forget me, I beg**  
** "I'll remember", you said,**  
** Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.**  
** Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,**  
** Yeah.**

He didn't notice. He simply smiled. And i couldn't help but smile back. I really missed those luscious dimples of his. Maybe it was time to forget about him. I mean it's been almost 2 years since we've been together. He's obviously forgotten about me.

We said our goodbyes and I managed to get myself over to Jo's apartment. She opened the door shocked just as Logan had been.

"Camille?" She said hugging me.

"Hey Jo." I said as I hugged her back and entered her place.

"Did you see Logan?" She asked immediately. She was not going to let this go that easily.

"I did. And he's happy. And if he's alright then I guess so am I. Sometimes love lasts and other times it ends up in hurt. But I'm okay." Another lie through my teeth. I should've just stuck with acting.

**You know how the time flies**  
** Only yesterday it was the time of our lives**  
** We were born and raised**  
** In a summer haze**  
** Bound by the surprise of our glory days**

** I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited**  
** But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.**  
** I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded**  
** That for me it isn't over, yeah.**

They ended up having a welcome back party for me. Even though I wasn't staying they still thought it would be a good idea to catch up. So the old gang and I sat in Jo's apartment along with Logan's wife Mandy and caught up.

I managed not to stare at the newlyweds as they sat cozily on Jo's couch. They didn't show too much PDA and for that I was glad. If they did I would've broken down right then and there.

"God, it's been forever since all of us have been together. I mean we all went our seperate ways. " Kendall said after recapping yet another memory of mischief we had years ago.

"I know, it's like we're grown up now. We're different then before but at the same time it's like we're not." Logan added.

I looked at him and I felt my heart explode. I kept my breathing even as I realized that it really was different. Logan was not mine anymore and he hadn't been for a very long time.

I looked around the room and everyone was coupled up. James with Annie, Carlos with Stephanie and Of course Kendall with Jo who had somehow managed to survive being apart for so long.

Logan and I weren't like them. We were strong but not unbreakable. All this time it had seemed to me that we were still teenagers not 20 year olds just scratching the surface of life.

For me it's still not over. I'm still that sixteen year old girl in love. Only now it's completely one-sided.

**Never mind, I'll find someone like you**  
** I wish nothing but the best for you too**  
** Don't forget me, I beg**  
** "I'll remember", you said,**  
** Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.**

** Nothing compares**  
** No worries or cares**  
** Regrets and mistakes**  
** They are memories made.**  
** Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?**

I was beyond disgusted with myself. What did i come here for? Did I really think I could get him back when it was so obvious Mandy already had him on lock?

All my memories of Logan are in the past now just like our love. It wasn't normal nor was it dysfunctional but it was us. That's what I loved. We were different yet so excepting of each other.

Now when I look at it. I owe him that much. I owe all of us that much. It hurts but we all have to make sacrifices and because I loved them all I would make them.

I wanted to plead with Logan and ask him not to forget me but I couldn't because I think he already did. When he smiled at Mandy it was a different smile and look then what he had ever given me. He truly loved her and wasn't planning on leaving her.

It was a slap in the face. But I needed to accept it.

**Never mind, I'll find someone like you**  
** I wish nothing but the best for you too**  
** Don't forget me, I beg**  
** "I'll remember", you said,**  
** Sometimes it lasts in love**  
** But sometimes it hurts instead.**

** Never mind, I'll find someone like you**  
** I wish nothing but the best for you too**  
** Don't forget me, I beg**  
** "I'll remember", you said,**  
** Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.**  
** Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead. **

After I had left Jo did come to New York. She of course brought Kendall along. They were still in love and Logan was still married. It hurt still but it was healing. I was going to be okay. Kendall and Jo rented an apartment right down the street from me and I saw them often. James, Carlos, and Logan did visit sometimes too along with their significant others.

One visit I will always remember. We were alone. I was in my kitchen fixing up some snacks for everyone and Logan had offered to help. We were 22 now. He had been married for two years.

"Camille? You know I didn't forget you right?" He said out of the blue.

I looked at him that night and I smiled. It wasn't a hopeful smile, it was just a smile of understanding.

"Okay." I said trying to get the brownies out of the tray.

"I didn't forget you and I but I had to let go. But you have to remember that I learned so much from you."

"Like what?"

"Like it's okay to love someone back. It's okay to give yourself up to a person and have trust in yourself."

"Thank you." I said to him

"For what?"

"Everything."

And with that we took one last look at each other before going back to my living room to see the others.

"Yay, food!" Carlos said snatching the brownies from me.

I giggled as I watched him stuff three in his mouth. I walked over to the couch and sat watching my friends both old and new. My eyes stopped at Logan and I smiled. He didn't forget. It just didn't last.

I felt a pair of arms wrap strongly around me and a chaste kiss was placed on my cheek. I looked into the blue eyes of my boyfriend and smiled. Leaning back into his embrace I watched as the boys of BTR tackled one another for brownies.

I was content. Sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead. Yet, I still managed to find someone just as accepting and caring for me as Logan was.

**This is seriously long overdue but I finally found time to type this. First of all Thank God Rachel (2 kool 2 spell 'kool' right) is alive. I love you Rachel and even if you don't me or a lot of your silent readers on here just know that we care and will always care about you. **

**I will be finishing up We are What we Experience by the end of October. So get ready to read the end. I'm still working out some glitches and I'm having tremendous trouble logging onto Fanfiction on my phone. Anyway, a lot of people asked for a sequel to my previous songfic/one shot so here it is.**

**I felt this song was such a good continuation to the story. So enjoy and please review!**


End file.
